New Blonde Jokes

Added on October 15th

Q: What's the ultimate embarrassment for a blonde?

A: When her ben-wa balls set off the airport metal detector.

Added on September 3rd

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?

A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own.

Added on July 11th

Blonde's Year in Review

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February- Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March- Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months....box said "2-4 years!"

April- Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May- Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June- Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July- Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August- Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top was open.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October- Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November- Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days ... instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December- Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!

What a year!!

Added on June 19th

Q: What is the definition of Blood, Sweat and Tears?

A: A blonde on her period standing in front of a tampon machine with a bent quarter.

Added on April 29th

Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers license test?

A: She wasn't used to the front seat!

Added on March 13th

She Was So Blonde That She...

1. Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.

2. Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

3. Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter.

4. Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years".

5. Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.

6. Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.

7. When asked what the capital of California was, she answered "C."

8. Burnt her nose bobbing for French Fries.

9. Baked a turkey for 5 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.

10. Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.

11. Hates M&M's because they are so hard to peel.

12. Got hurt while raking leaves; fell out of the tree.

13. Changes the baby's diaper only once a month because the label said "good up to 20 pounds."

14. After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.

Added on January 17th

The blonde goes to the doctor and complains of a sore throat. The doctor has her sit down, gets out his flashlight, and says "Open wide".

"The blonde says "I can't, the arms on this chair get in my way."

Added on January 17th

Two telephone company crews were putting up telephone poles. At the end of the day, the company foreman asked the first crew how many poles they had put in the ground. "Fifteen" was the answer.

"Not bad, not bad at all," the foreman said.

Turning to the blonde crew he asked how many they had put in. "Four" was the answer.

"Four?" the foreman yelled. "The others did fifteen, and you only did four?"

"Yes," replied the leader of the blonde group, "But go look at how much they left sticking out of the ground."

Added on January 8th

A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. The Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into.

The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!"

The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.

"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the Redhead.

"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead.

"No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!"

"OK" says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.

Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"

"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde.

"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"

"Look," the Blonde says, "nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..."

Added on January 7th

Q: Why don't blondes make good truck drivers?

A: Give them a good load and it takes them 9 months to deliver!