30 Random Chuck Norris Facts
Here are 30 Random Chuck Norris Facts.
You can also see the Top 30 Chuck Norris Facts as rated by our visitors. Would you please rate some of our Random Chuck Norris Facts?
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Current Joke Rating: 2.82
Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.
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Current Joke Rating: 3.2
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
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Current Joke Rating: 2.9
Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
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Current Joke Rating: 3
If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris' misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas.
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Current Joke Rating: 3.87
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f*cking Indian.
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Current Joke Rating: 3.14
Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
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Current Joke Rating: 3.16
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
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Current Joke Rating: 3.17
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
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Current Joke Rating: 2.97
People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris... Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.
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Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
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Current Joke Rating: 3.16
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem - it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
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Current Joke Rating: 3.24
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
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Current Joke Rating: 3.23
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
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Chuck Norris can speak braille.
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Current Joke Rating: 2.94
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
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Current Joke Rating: 2.71
Proponents of higher-order theories of consciousness argue that consciousness is explained by the relation between two levels of mental states in which a higher-order mental state takes another mental state. If you mention this to Chuck Norris, expect an explosive roundhouse kick to the face for spouting too much fancy-talk.
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Current Joke Rating: 2.64
A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.
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Current Joke Rating: 3.09
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
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Current Joke Rating: 3.22
Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.
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Current Joke Rating: 2.98
Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII single-handedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.
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Current Joke Rating: 4.5
Chuck Norris can burn ants with a magnifying glass.
At night.
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Current Joke Rating: 2.96
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.
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Current Joke Rating: 3.28
Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.
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Current Joke Rating: 3.02
Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its descendents now have white hair.
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Current Joke Rating: 3.11
When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
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Current Joke Rating: 2.66
Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
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Current Joke Rating: 2.89
The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.
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Current Joke Rating: 2.95
"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
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Current Joke Rating: 3.18
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
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Current Joke Rating: 2.61
Chuck Norris does know what Willis is talking about!
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