Newest Jokes
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Added on Tuesday, July 20th, 2010 Paddy's wife has never had an orgasm, so they decide to go see a doctor to find out why. After a number of tests, the doctor suggests Paddy's wife may be over heating during sex and recommends they buy a fan for the bedroom.
Paddy refuses to buy a fan and decides to get his mate round to waft a towel on them during sex. After about 20 minutes of wafting and still no orgasm, his friend suggests a swap. "I'll shag her, you waft the towel" he says.
Paddy agrees and within seconds Paddy's wife is screaming in pleasure and has the best orgasm ever.
Paddy pats his mate on the back and says "....and that my old son, is how you waft a fucking towel!"
Added on Monday, April 19th, 2010 I was in Lowe's the other day pushing my cart around when I collided with a young guy pushing his cart.
I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence, I'm looking for my wife,too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.
I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"
I said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."
Most old guys are helpful like that.
Added on Thursday, January 28th, 2010 A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.
'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'
The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades.
When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.
Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.
Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred..'
The officer walked away in tears, laughing.
Added on Monday, November 23rd, 2009
Added on Friday, November 20th, 2009 All over the world lesbians fight for getting the same rights as hetero people.
In Indonesia, two of them couldn't get the allowance to marry. The officials said, "Two sarongs don't make a rite!"
Added on Friday, November 20th, 2009 Deep in the backwoods the hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down...I think there's another one coming."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.
"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern...It seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor.
The hillbilly scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"
Added on Friday, November 20th, 2009 Wheaties once asked Jack Bauer to be on the cover of their cereal box. However Jack turned them down. We all know he never eats.
Added on Friday, November 20th, 2009 Anytime Jack Bauer makes a list, when he gets to #24 his trigger finger twitches.
Added on Friday, November 20th, 2009 Jack Bauer's morning wood is strong enough to support a building.
Added on Friday, November 20th, 2009 Osama asked for a truce because he heard Jack Bauer got his address.. and is coming for dinner.
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