Top 30 Anti-Chuck Norris FactsTop 30 Chuck Norris Facts based on how YOU rate them. Return to Best Jokes Current Rating: 3.29 Chuck Norris masturbates furiously in a corner whenever he sees a Bowflex commercial. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.27 For Chuck Norris, the roundhouse kick is not a signature move, it's just the closest he can come to his high school cheerleading days, which he misses sorely. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3 Chuck Norris' farts are silent and deadly. Deadly because he's Chuck Norris, silent because his butthole is extremely loose. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3 During his first night at college, Chuck Norris drank a beer and puked all over himself. Thus, the phrase "chucking" was born. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3 As a child, Chuck Norris was often caught spooning with other ginger kids during nap time. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.94 Chuck Norris' favorite color is lavender. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.91 If you say "Chuck Norris" into a mirror ten times on Friday the 13th, Chuck Norris will show up behind you with an axe. Then he'll try to sell you the axe to support his various substance addictions. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.86 Chuck Norris cried during The Notebook. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.83 Chuck Norris uses live rattlesnakes as condoms. Tiny, baby rattlesnakes. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.8 Chuck Norris started the "Chuck Norris Facts" in hopes of finding a new love. Upon finding out the majority of fans using the facts were guys, Chuck Norris wept with joy. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.75 If you yell "Chuck Norris" into the Grand Canyon, it echoes back "is a pussy." Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.74 Chuck Norris will ram his rod straight down the throat of anyone who calls him gay. He's just funny like that. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.72 Chuck Norris always wears knee pads. When asked if they were for stunt purposes, Chuck Norris replied "sure." Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.71 Chuck Norris stayed in high school for 7 years until someone finally signed his yearbook. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.71 Chuck Norris' milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.66 After a night of passionate love with Tony Danza, Chuck Norris took the morning after pill, fearing an unwanted pregnancy. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.65 In preparation for his future role as a gay cowboy, a young Jake Gyllenhaal spent a year as Chuck Norris' understudy on the set of "Walker, Texas Ranger." Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.64 Chuck Norris is wanted for raping 10 different men during last year's Carnival celebration in Brazil. The United States has refused the Brazilian extradition request. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.64 Chuck Norris scored an 8 on the "Are you a good boyfriend" quiz in Cosmo. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.64 Chuck Norris was once invited back to his high school to speak at a graduation. Upon his arrival, Screech, Slater, Kelly, Lisa, and Jesse said, "That's not Zack Morris, that's Chuck Norris!" Mr. Belding broke the bad news to the class that Zack would not be attending the graduation, then delivered a roundhouse kick to Chuck Norris and sent him to detention. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.63 When they asked Chuck Norris to be in Brokeback Mountain 2 he simply said "How many sex scenes?" Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.63 When the boogie man goes to sleep, he looks in his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck's ass is still sore from the last time he was found. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.63 Chuck Norris raped my dog. And then my youth. And then my dog again. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.62 Chuck Norris once asked a group of people, "What's white, sticky, and falling from the sky?" Chuck Norris then licked his lips, rubbed his hands, and replied "The cumming of the Lord." Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.62 A 7-year-old blind boy once found Waldo before Chuck Norris. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.62 Chuck Norris doesn't believe in fairy tales. He thinks you should only find happy endings at the strip club. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.61 Chuck Norris has yet to find the G-spot. Scientists find it perplexing that Chuck Norris doesn't know his way around his vagina. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.6 Stephen Hawking once beat Chuck Norris in a foot race. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.6 Chuck Norris folds pocket aces pre-flop. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 2.6 Chuck Norris fears the Mach 4 razor. He wishes it had softer and fewer blades. Email Joke to as many as five friends |
