Top 30 Chuck Norris FactsTop 30 Chuck Norris Facts based on how YOU rate them. Return to Best Jokes Current Rating: 4.24 Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 4.07 Chuck Norris invented the spoon because killing people with knives was too easy. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.81 When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.75 Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.63 Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.63 Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.59 Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.52 Chuck Norris can stick a CD up his ass and burn data onto it Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.47 Chuck Norris is the only person to count to infinity... twice. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.47 There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Chuck Norris. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.47 Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.46 Chuck Norris successfully separated twins conjoined at the head by roundhouse kicking them in the face. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.45 Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.45 Chuck Norris can drown a fish. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.45 Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.44 Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.43 Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.42 Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.42 When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.4 Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindness, and possibly foot sized bruises on the face. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.4 Chuck Norris once crawled through the desert, for miles, with an erection. His trail is called the Grand Canyon. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.39 Chuck Norris once got into a fight with a one-armed Ninja. Seeing that he had an unfair advantage, Chuck Norris ripped both of his arms off and one of his legs. He then roundhouse-kicked the ninja in the head, killing him instantly, and proceeded to sow his limbs back on using only a rusty tent spike and bailing wire. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.38 Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.38 Chuck Norris make onions CRY!!! Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.38 Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.37 Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.37 Due to Newton's 3rd law of motion, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.37 The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs. Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.36 Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. Email Joke to as many as five friends Current Rating: 3.36 Cars don't hit Chuck Norris they get hit by Chuck Norris Email Joke to as many as five friends |
