Top 5 Best Golf Jokes
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Current Rating: 3.67 Golfing Realities...
Golf balls are like eggs. They're white, they're sold by the dozen, and every week you have to buy more.
A pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you have to have the income of a professional golfer to buy anything in there.
It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.
When you stop to think about it, did you ever notice that it's a lot easier to get up at 6:00 a.m. to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the lawn?
It takes longer to learn good golf than it does brain surgery. On the other hand, you seldom get to ride around on a cart, drink beer and eat hot dogs while performing brain surgery.
A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.
Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up praying a lot.
A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you.
That rake by the sand trap is there for golfers who feel guilty about skipping out on lawn work.
If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight.
Current Rating: 3.4 After hitting his 7th ball into the water on the 4th hole, a father turns to his son and says, "It takes a lot of balls to play golf the way I do."
Current Rating: 3.2 Fred, playing as a single at St Andrews was teamed with a twosome. After a few holes, the twosome finally asked why he was playing such a beautiful course by himself.
He replied that he & his wife had played the course every year - for over 20 years - but this year she had passed away and he kept the tee time in her memory.
The twosome commented that they thought certainly someone would have been willing to take her spot.
"So did I" he said - "but they all wanted to go to the funeral."
Current Rating: 3.2 For months the archaeologists had been tolling deep in the Amazon jungle, clearing creepers and rampant, choking undergrowth from the faint traces of a Lost City. Their excitement mounted as the place`s extraordinary purpose became evident. Broad, winding avenues of giant flagstones had deep, narrow, perfectly circular holes every few hundred yards. It had to be .... a golf course! Any doubt was dispelled by the discovery of stone panels depicting human figures using primitive prototypes of irons or putters.
Next step was to interrogate local Indian tribesmen about traditions associated with the prehistoric golf club. And yes, the tribes did have legends of Old Ones who followed a daily ritual with the clubs and balls, until routed by tragedy. Watching a particularly wrinkled, aged elder chattering to the interpreter, a Professor murmured wistfully. "If only we knew why they gave up golf, making it vanish for centuries before rediscovery."
The interpreter nodded eagerly and relayed the query. The elder, surprised, made a sweeping gesture at the jungle, and replied tersely. "Simple," was the translation, "they couldn`t afford the green fees."
Current Rating: 3.17 Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he’d love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let’s do it! We’ll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning."
A month later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.
The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can’t take her eyes off it."
Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."
Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."
They all turned to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds.
"I can’t believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, ’Well babe, is it sex or golf?’ And she said, "Take a sweater..."
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