Top 5 Best Golf Jokes

Current Rating: 3.33

Golfing Realities...

Golf balls are like eggs. They're white, they're sold by the dozen, and every week you have to buy more.

A pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you have to have the income of a professional golfer to buy anything in there.

It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.

When you stop to think about it, did you ever notice that it's a lot easier to get up at 6:00 a.m. to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the lawn?

It takes longer to learn good golf than it does brain surgery. On the other hand, you seldom get to ride around on a cart, drink beer and eat hot dogs while performing brain surgery.

A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.

Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up praying a lot.

A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you.

That rake by the sand trap is there for golfers who feel guilty about skipping out on lawn work.

If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight.

Current Rating: 3.23

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron."

The man looks around and doesn’t see anyone. "Ribbit. 9 Iron."

He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup.

He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that’s amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog reply’s "Ribbit. Lucky frog."

The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks.

"Ribbit. 3 wood."

The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one.

The man is befuddled and doesn’t know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?"

The frog reply, "Ribbit. Las Vegas."

They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette."

Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks," What do you think I should bet?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit. $3000, black 6."

Now this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel.

He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don’t know how to repay you. You’ve won me all this money and I am forever grateful."

The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me."

He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."

Current Rating: 3.23

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning.

The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in obvious agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I’m a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me," she told him earnestly.

"Ummph, oooh, noooo... I’ll be fine in a few minutes", he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and put her hands inside. She began to massage his privates.

She then asked him, "How does that feel?"

He replied still in agony, "It feels great, but it doesn’t do a thing for my thumb. It still hurts like hell!"

Current Rating: 3.22

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.

I'm on the 7th hole," she replied, "and you are a hole behind me. So you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request. "I'm on number 14, and you're still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole."

Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you're in the sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?"

"I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh," she replied.

"No, I won't."

Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."

With that, he laughed so hard he almost fell off the bar stool.

See," she said. "I knew you'd laugh!"

"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied, "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you."

Current Rating: 3.22

Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he’d love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.

His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let’s do it! We’ll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning."

A month later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.

The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can’t take her eyes off it."

Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."

Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."

They all turned to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds.

"I can’t believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, ’Well babe, is it sex or golf?’ And she said, "Take a sweater..."